Navy Jokes

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An admiral is standing by a candy machine at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe walking by. "Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?"

"Sure, buddy," says the plebe, rooting around his pocket.

"That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?"

The plebe snaps to attention and barks, "No, sir!"

Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.

The new Navy recruits were being processed when a crusty chief petty officer entered the room, looking to put together a work detail. "Smith, Jones, Brown! On your feet!" he hollered.

Several recruits stood up. The chief smiled and said, "It works every time."

While training off the Florida coast, a Navy Seal Unit could not inflate their boat so they started swimming to shore. They soon spotted an old beachcomber standing on the shore. The unit leader shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

Feeling safe, the seals started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there the leader asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

When asked by a higher officer how some compulsive gamblers were doing as sailors, the captain said,

"Generally fine, except when they hear, All hands on deck, then they all pick up their cards!"

The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits he told them.

After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.

A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake.

The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?" he asked.

The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."

The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"

The Chaplain smiled and hit the Food Service Officer in the ribs, "I told you my talk did them some good."

The kid said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it."

The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on the tray in half.

At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going overseas. One lad, having received his series of injections, asked for a glass of water. "What's the matter, Mate?" asked the sick bay attendant. "Do you feel pain?"

"No, just checking to see if I'm still watertight."

Two sailors, Joe and Sam stepped off their ship to start their shore leave in Hawaii. Joe turned to Sam and said, "Wow, we have a whole weekend in Havaii. Lets find us a cold beer."

Sam looked at Joe shaking his head and said, "Joe, why do you keep calling it 'Havaii.' It's pro-nounced 'Hawaii'."

"Oh come on Sam, everyone knows it's pro-nounced 'Havaii', just talk to anyone."

This went on for quite awhile as they walked down the dock so they decided to make a bet that the loser would buy the first two beers. With a handshake they sealed the bet and Joe asked the first man they seen, "Can you settle an argument between me and Sam?. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'"

"This is Havaii," the man replied.

This made Joe puff up and he said to Sam, "Ha! That beer sure is going to taste good!"

As they began to walk away, Joe turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!"

"You're Velcome!" the man called back.

Submitted: Unknown

Few people outside the military know what a Navy Quartermaster does (several duties include the watch-to-watch navigation and the maintenance of nautical charts and navigational instruments as well as duties that used to be part of the Signalman rating: visual communications).

So during my aircraft carrier's Family Day, I demonstrated a procedure called semaphore. I grabbed my flags and signaled an imaginary boat. When finished, I pointed to a little girl in front and asked, "Now do you know what I do?"

"Yes," she answered. "You're a cheerleader."

Submitted By Unknown

On a family night out, it became obvious to us all that Dad, an old sailor, had never really left the Navy. As my father pulled our minivan in front of the restaurant my brother began opening the sliding door.

"Hang on!" Dad shouted. "Wait till I pull up to the pier."

A Navy officer was walking through the crew's quarters of his ship one day and chanced upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on a table.

"Sailor!" the officer boomed. "Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?"

"No sir," replied the sailor, "but we don't land airplanes on the roof either!"

The Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name sailor?"

"John," the new seaman replied.

"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp nowdays, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the chief scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Chief'. Do I make myself clear?"

"Aye, Aye Chief!"

"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"

The seaman sighed. "Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief."

"Okay, John, here's what I want you to do ....."

What can you think about the young man who joined the navy to see the world, and spent the next three years in a submarine!

Two Sailors were talking about assignments they would like to get.

First Sailor: "Someday I'd like to ride on a submarine."

Second Sailor: "Not me! I wouldn't set foot on any ship that sinks on purpose!"

The chief on a submarine was trying in vain to hook up some fire hoses. The wrenches he had didn't fit the connections, so he resorted to banging away at the hoses to make things fit. Just then an ensign walked by.

"Chief," he yelled out, "I have a book on tools you can borrow."

"Get it!" shouted the chief. "It's got to be heavier than this wrench I'm using."

On the Navy carrier USS George Washington, the air wing was busy with training missions. After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd."

The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing: "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We aw hunting submawines."

On many U.S. Navy ships the movie screen is suspended amid-ship so that it can be viewed from both sides. This procedure makes it available to larger crowds at popular movies, but usually the junior officers get a reverse image from "the wrong side of the screen."

One evening at dinnertime an enterprising young ensign passed the following word over the officer's IMC circuit:

"The movie to be shown in the wardroom tonight for the senior officers is on the right side of the screen - The Left-Handed Gun, starring Paul Newman."

"For the junior officers on the wrong side of the screen - The Right-Handed Gun, starring Namwen Luap."

Jim was just out of Navy boot camp, and was on his first ship. About two hours out of port, he began to get a bit ill from the motion of the ship. He approached an ensign, also just out of training and on his first cruise. He saluted and said, "Excuse me sir, I am feeling seasick, and I wondered if I may have permission to go downstairs to the dispensary."

The ensign returned his salute and replied, "Sailor, you are in the Navy now. You don't go downstairs, you go below! There is no dispensary on this ship, there is sickbay. Not only that, that is not the floor, it is a deck, that is not the ceiling, it is the overhead, that is not a pillar, it is a stanchion, that is not a water fountain, it is a scuttle- butt. If I ever hear you using civilian words instead of Naval jargon, I will throw you out of that little round window over there!"

Submitted By Unknown

As he flew to Atlanta on a commercial airline, the admiral I worked for struck up a conversation with his elderly seatmate. She asked how he liked the Navy.

"I love it," he answered. "It's the best thing I've ever done."

"How nice," she said. "So do you think you'll make it a career?"

One day, the American writer and comedian Robert Benchley was out to dinner with his son Nathaniel.

We went to the Trocadero, writes Nathaniel in his memoir of his father Robert Benchley: A Biography. When, in the course of events, we left to go home, he went to a uniformed man at the door and said "Would you get us a taxi, please?"

The man turned round and regarded him icily. "I'm very sorry," he said. "I happen to be a rear admiral in the United States Navy."

"All right, then" said my father. "Get us a battleship."

The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:

"We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate."

Submitted By Unknown

A hospital corpsman and I were getting an elderly retired master chief petty officer out of his wheelchair, when I noticed the man had a tattoo on his knee.

"What's that?" I asked, unable to make out the design.

"It's a banjo," he said sheepishly. "I'm from Alabama."

A naval command instructor was indoctrinating his new naval command recruits.

He said, "You are all in the Navy now and in the US Navy we have our own language. For instance, in the Navy we don't call it a bathroom; we don't call it a toilet; we don't call it a latrine."

A young Naval Command recruit raised his hand and asked, "What do you call it?"

"Son, we call it a 'head'. Now tell me son, what is the difference between a 'head' and a 'hole in the ground'?"

The naval recruit said,

"Well, I don't know."

The naval command Instructor said, "Son, how do you expect to command a US Naval ship if you don't know your head from a hole in the ground?"

A Uboater's wife worked at the Navy exchange dry cleaners while he was stationed at the submarine base in Groton, Conn.

One evening a familiar-looking man in civilian clothes came to pick up his dry cleaning. She was sure he was on her husband's crew and that she had met him at the "Welcome Aboard" party a few weeks earlier.

As she gave him his change, she said, "Excuse me, but aren't you on my husband's boat?"

"No, Ma'am," the commanding officer replied, "I believe your husband is on MY boat."

While working as a Navy nurse in a military hospital's emergency room, all are required to introduce themselfs by their rank and full name. One usually refer to himself as Ensign Mike Payne, but one busy day, he rushed into a patient's room and blurted, "Hi, I'm Ensign Payne."

"Hi," the patient responded. "I'm in some pain too."

The new ensign was standing his first night watch on the bridge of a destroyer. Far out on the horizon, the USS New Jersey was conducting a night gunnery exercise.

The ensign, seeing the flashes of light from the battleship, ran excitedly up to the signal bridge and pointed out the "Morse code" coming from the other ship.

Ensign: "What are they saying? What are they saying?"

Signalman: "Boom. Boom."

Jim was just out of Navy boot camp, and was on his first ship. About two hours out of port, he began to get a bit ill from the motion of the ship. He approached an ensign, also just out of training and on his first cruise. He saluted and said,

"Excuse me sir, I am feeling seasick, and I wondered if I may have permission to go downstairs to the dispensary."

The ensign returned his salute and replied,

"Sailor, you are in the Navy now. You don't go downstairs, you go below! There is no dispensary on this ship, there is sickbay. Not only that, that is not the floor, it is a deck, that is not the ceiling, it is the overhead, that is not a pillar, it is a stanchion, that is not a water fountain, it is a scuttle- butt. If I ever hear you using civilian words instead of Naval jargon, I will throw you out of that little round window over there."

Funny Submarine quotes

"Yes, it is possible!"
William Bourne, English inventor. (1578) He also points out that submarines can be an effective weapon in wartime.

"The only thing that will happen is that the vessel will sink, and suffocate the crew"
H. G. Wells, English writer(1902) (Submarines had been used since ca. 1850)

"Even if a submarine should work by a miracle, it will never be used. No country in this world would ever use such a vicious and petty form of warfare!"
William Henderson, British admiral(1914)

Talking Dog for Sale

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

Talking Dog for Sale

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services ... The United States Marine Corps... You know one of their nicknames is "The Devil Dogs."

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting any younger."

"So, I decided to settle down. I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that crap. He was in the Navy!"

Flying near Athens

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a sailor asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"

"Just snow," replied the stewardess.

"That's what I thought," said the sailor, "but this soldier in front of me said it was Greece."

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"

"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."

"Oh? And what does your father do?"

"He's in the Army, sir."

Shaved Head
by Robert Lewis

My father had one I always liked from his Navy service during the Korean War:

One ship in the squadron had a captain whose officers idolized him, and tried to emulate his every action. When he bought a particular brand of cologne, all the other officers began wearing the same cologne. When he started smoking a pipe, so did the officers.

One day, the captain returned from shore with his head shaved! Sure enough, that evening, all the officers in his crew crowded into the base barber shop to have their head shaved, too.

The next morning, the captain appeared on the bridge, looked around at all the bald pates, and without a word, reached up and pulled off his skin-head wig.

Naval pun

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!"

The sailor began to pick up the broom and commence performing his charge. As he began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he can only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted bird returns.
When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor.

"What in the heck have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief.

"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

HIGHBROW REPORT

After turning in from a four to eight watch the seaman overslept and missed muster. When questioned he said: "Due to my metabolic inability to cope with change I did not respond to external stimuli and remained in a comatose condition."

The C.P.O., who didn't understand a word, listened to this report with awe and sent the sailor to the psychiatrist.

Stand In Line

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and dance on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

New submarine Ensign

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy.

He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

U-Boat

A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, "Sir, is that a U-boat?"

"No," he replied, "shesa belonga to da goverment."

On the high seas!

A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after an evening of partying ashore.

As they climbed the gangway, the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above, him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!"

The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.

"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also took a dump in your pants."

Smart Mom

An old couple received a package from the Navy containing the civilian clothes their son was wearing when he left for boot camp. Not wanting to open the box, the mother puts it away.

This cracked up her husband, who accused her of being a sentimental old fool. "I'm not sentimental," she shot back. "I'm realistic. His shoes, socks and underwear have been inside that box for two weeks, and I'm not going to be the one to open it!"

Lights Out

A destroyer pulled into Borneo for liberty. Cut down to a skeleton watch, most of the ship was empty for the night. A few piers down, a ship was loading local cargo for export. Among the crates was an orangutan, who broke out of his cage. The ape traveled the waterfront in the dark, and finally reached the destroyer. He climbed the mooring lines, boarded, and climbed up the smokestack. Inside the stack, the confused animal made it down to the engine room, and started wandering around. He came to an electrical panel, opened for maintenance, ignored the safety ropes, and managed to make contact with an extremely high voltage contact. Bright blue spark and the ship is suddenly dark throughout.

A few minutes later, two hull techs are searching with their flashlights for the problem. They come on the dark burnt hairy body. They shine the flashlight on his long, long arms. They look at each other. They look at his short stubby legs. They look at each other. They look at his face for a long time.

Finally, the third class tells the seaman: "Okay, his legs are too short for a machinist mate, his arms are too long for a boiler tech, and he's too hairy for an electrician. Call the wardroom, see if any of the junior officers are missing."

Before the Trouble Starts

A Navy man walks into a bar. Sitting himself down, he tells the bartender, "Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts."

The bartender pours a drink and watches as the man quickly downs it.

Putting the glass on the bar, the sailor says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts."

The bartender pours another glass and the sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first, before asking for another, again adding, ". . . before the trouble starts."

After several rounds of this the bartender says, "Look sailor, you've been in here ten minutes and you keep talking about trouble starting. Just when is this "trouble" going to start?"

The sailor looks at the bartender and says, "The trouble starts just as soon as you find out that I ain't got any money."

This Sailor walks into a bar with a large Parrot perched on his head. 'Where the heck did you get that?' asked the barman.

'Well, the Parrot replied - you won't believe it, but it started as this little wart on my butt !'

The crew of a fast frigate was practicing the man overboard drill by "rescuing" a bright orange fluorescent dummy dubbed Mortimer. The captain watched as a young lieutenant nervously stopped the ship, turned it and maneuvered into place. Unfortunately, he ran right over Mortimer. Surveying the remains of Mortimer scattered around the ship, the captain told the lieutenant,

"Son, do me a favor. If I ever fall overboard, just drop anchor and I'll swim to you."

A Navy for the 21st Century

Vision Statement: A New Century Demands a New Navy.
America Deserves A Leaner, Meaner, More Flexible Navy At Less Cost.

Return to "Tried and Tested" Recruiting Methods

[A Navy for the 21st Century]

Introduce Advanced Personnel Management Techniques

[A Navy for the 21st Century]

Eliminate "Up or Out" Policies Keep Good People

[A Navy for the 21st Century]

Introduce Simple, Tested, Effective Weapon Systems

[A Navy for the 21st Century]

Modernize Naval Aviation

[A Navy for the 21st Century]

Introduce New Manpower Efficient Submarines

[A Navy for the 21st Century]

Adopt Environmentally Friendly Technologies

[A Navy for the 21st Century]

The Fighting Sailor

In the 60's there was a Navy sailor who had for weeks been assisting in the landing of infantry in Vietnam. The sailor was fed-up with the work on the ship. He craved action, so he attached himself to one of the combat units and soon arrived at Hill 248.

There was hot action and the sailor distinguished himself so that he was decorated for outstanding bravery. But his absence was discovered back at the port. They determined where he was and wired that he be returned immediately.

The reply from the sailor's commanding officer read like this: "Your seaman is fighting on Hill 2' 48. He's doing a helluva job, been cited for bravery and decorated. You come and get him because we're afraid to go up after him!"

Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing:

"You've got to land here son, this is where the food is."

No Reverse On Expensive Fighter

At the Naval Air Station a young ground-crew member was being trained on how to direct an F-14 into the fuel pit for hot refueling. The instructor gave him a go and after quite some wild arm weaving the F14 was parking, but when checking they discovered that he had taxied the aircraft too far forward from the fuel hose to reach the airplane.

"You'll have to send him around again," said the instructor.

"What?" he said, surprised. "They spend millions on these things and you can't even put them in reverse?"

New Addition to the Fleet

(AP) NEWPORT NEWS, VA (March 29) The US Navy, amidst lavish celebration, launched the newest addition to the Fleet today: the USS William J. Clinton. The Clinton, according to a Navy spokesperson, will add a new twist to the Navy's capabilities and will solve a number of problems that have arisen in the years since women were added to the complements of Navy vessels. USS Clinton, designated AGH(M)-1, is a brand-new, state-of-the-art Maternity Hospital Ship. Navy Spokesman Ben A. Mittlesteadt, briefing reporters before the christening ceremony (the ceremony for the "ship," not its occupants) stated that the new vessel is designed to alleviate the serious challenges associated with the ever-increasing incidence of shipboard pregnancies.

"We are concerned that the necessity of evacuating female sailors from fleet units has become an difficult operation, given the number of evacuees that we have to deal with on a weekly basis. USS Clinton will be equipped with its own helicopter airlift wing in order to relieve the maternity transportation burden on existing combat units."

The Clinton is to be the first of a twelve-ship class, each 80,000 ton ship costing $230 million. A Clinton-class ship will be added to each of the Navy's carrier battle groups to ensure full combat-readiness in the face of the increasing number of expectant naval personnel.

Each AGH(M) will be provided with a fully-equipped OB/GYN staff, a complete birthing facility (staffed by Navy medical personnel trained as midwife/Lamaz specialists), and a neonatal clinic. A comprehensive day-care center will be included in order to allow new sailor-mothers to return to duty as quickly as possible, which will greatly increase the efficiency of Navy operations, Mittlesteadt told reporters.

In a departure from Navy tradition, the ship's sponsor, NOW president Patricia Ireland, christened the vessel by breaking two bottles across the ship's bow: one containing infant formula, symbolizing the services to be provided to a new generation of Navy juniors, the other filled with kiwi/orange/cucumber nectar, representing the Navy's commitment to fulfilling the needs of its pregnant crewpersons. The second ship of the class, the USS Murphy Brown (AGH(M)-2), is scheduled to be launched next year.

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

The Chief's Parrot

The old Chief finally retired from the Navy and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He took with him his lifelong pet parrot.

First morning at 04:30, the parrot squawked and said, "Off yer hocks and don yer socks. Reveille"

The old chief told the parrot, "We are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep."

The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. The old Chief told the parrot, "Look, if you keep this up, I will put you out in the chicken pen."

Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen. About 06:30, the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter.

The parrot had about 40 white chickens in formation and on the ground lay 3 bruised and beaten brown ones. The parrot was saying, "By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't mean Khakis!

Pilot's pre-launch brief off the carrier to his passenger in a 2-place jet:

"If anything goes wrong off the cat, I'll say 'Eject Eject Eject'. If you say 'Huh?', you'll be talking to yourself."

Submitted By Unknown

My father served in the Seabees, which meant he was more likely to handle a cement mixer than a rifle. I tried to explain this to my six year-old-son.

"Grandpa didn't fight in any battles," I said. "He wasn't that kind of soldier."

"Oh!" said my son. "He was in the Salvation Army."

Grunt, sailor and airman

On a rather slow day, to further cement amicable relations between branches, the DoD came up with a plan to have a massive camping trip involving all the actively enlisted men.

A grunt, a sailor and an airman found themselves together at a covered mess table. After customary greeting grunts, they decided might as well make the best of a bad situation and try to get along. The sailor spoke first. "Hey. What didja guys bring along?"

"Well, I brought some bug spray." The grunt said.

"Whatzzat for?" The other two replied

"Keep the bugs off, you dumb-asses."

After several minutes of silence, the sailor spoke up again, nodding to the airman. "Whatdidja bring?"

"Brought a sleeping bag."

"Why did ya do that? We already got some supplied." The grunt pointed out.

The pampered airman responded, "Yea well, they didn't have the nice thermal-padded ones." Rolling his eyes, the grunt looked ready to kick the airman's rear. As he was standing up, the sailor coughed politely. The other two look him over to the sailor, who was grinning ear to ear. The airman asked the question which the sailor so obviously wanted to be asked. "What did you bring?"

"A car door."

"What the hell would you need a car door for?!" The throughly agitated grunt yelped.

The sailor's toothy smile got larger. "If we get hot, we can roll the window down."